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Monday, June 05, 2006

You know, it amazes me how much hate and intolerance people have for other people's choices. I have posted a few times lately on the one blog I go to and I just can't believe the degree of anger and rudeness that people use responding to both the blog owner's posts and the people who comment's posts as well. I don't know how the blogger herself deals with all the negative stuff that is said about her and her family. I have trouble when people say things about my comments, and I'm not even identified like the blogger is! For example, on a recent post about a nasty article someone wrote about natural births being on the decline(no medication), I added this comment:

I've had three babies, the first with epidural, the last two natural. I don't think there is anything wrong with being proud of what your body can do. I don't think it makes you any more of a woman or better, it's a very personal thing. With my first, the pushing stage took so much longer than it needed to because I couldn't feel to push. I was so groggy and out of it and so was the baby. I realize that doesn't happen in most epidurals, but even without that,in my particular case, I much preferred the natural births. But every situation is different. Natural birth was both harder and easier than I expected. One thing that made it easier to do natural was that I didn't go to the hospital until last minute-I was more comfortable free in my own home.

I thought that made it pretty clear that I was in no way suggesting that I thought everyone should birth natural just because I did. I said, "in my particular case...." I don't think it means you are less of a woman if you don't. I commented to add a positive comment because mainly negative things were being said on the topic. Two people commented after me saying I was being smug and one said" I guess these people have very little else to be proud of in their lives." Geez. I didn't think I sounded smug. I certainly don't feel that way. I can be proud of my own accomplishments without feeling that others who don't do the same should be ashamed! And frankly, it isn't an issue that really comes up often. I don't proudly congradulate myself every day. In fact, unless I'm relating a birth story, the only time it's come up is when I was laughing at myself because I can go through natural childbirth twice(and the first one was no picnic either!) but I can't take a splinter out of my own foot!
I don't know, did anyone think my comment sounded smug? I'd appreciate the feedback because I think I often come across differently than I intend.

8 comments:

Michele said...

I think that sometimes comments in writing can be misinterpreted as opposed to the same thing being said verbally. That said, however, I don't think your entry would be considered smug at all. You clearly indicated this was your particular situation. And isn't that what blogs are for? To comment on your own situation??

Jamie said...

i think that the comments that were made towards you were from people who were not comfortable with the choice they made during childbirth...those people tend to read and interpret what they want to and take it way more personally than necessary...i am comfortable with my decision on having an epidural (two to be exact, even if neither worked!!!) so wouldn't take your comment as being smug or anything ...so the bottom line is, it wouldn't have mattered what you said cause someone would've been offended no matter what!

Anonymous said...

Wow! that was nasty--The comment about you not having anything else to be proud of. I wouldn't worry about it Steph, some ppl are just naturally nasty, no thought of whether they hurt someone or not. And I think some are just taking bad days out on others. As for whether you sounded smug or not--I think you sounded experienced. My gosh, how the heck are you going to comment on your experiences in any other way???????

Anonymous said...

I thought your comment was OK, maybe the other person didn't know how to react to it.

I wouldn't worry about it so much, as long as you are OK with what you wrote. You can't please everyone in this world.

People really need to know the writer, before they judge the writing....You know what I'm trying to say?

sajmom said...

Maybe my problem is just what Michele suggested, I read what I write, and I hear it in my own voice. Other people read it and it comes accross differently. It just really amazes me how truly hateful people can be.

sajmom said...

Have I met you Michele?

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