Another Gilmore Girls related thought, on the show the mother babysat a three year old who was extremely spoiled. She told the father how to fix it, and it annoyed me because it's the same trite advice people and books generally give.
How many parents are actually stupid enough to think their kid won't love them if they say no? How many parents actually think that giving their kid everything they want will make up for other losses in their lives? That's just too dumb! Well, gee, I guess that's how all out of control kids get that way-their parents never say no and give them everything they want. Realistically it doesn't work that way, it's much more complicated.
It's like the story in a parenting magazine recently where the mom had three kids but had the third kid a while later. Her first two children were well behaved and good kids. She dispensed parenting advice to others and thought she had it all figured out. Then came the third child who turned it all upside-down! All the generic advice she had doled out came back to haunt her-none of it worked with this one. Just being firm was not enough.
For some kids it will work, but not all. Real life is much more complicated than just being firm, sticking to what you say, regularly disciplining(teaching), being a good example, etc. for some kids. Trust me, I know! I just wish it was ackowledged more often.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
i feel that way about people who assume you can just "stop" breastfeeding when kids are one...it is just not that simple...jonathan has showed no signs of stopping and i have no intention of forcing him to...i know what other people think and have even had people say to me "when are you going to stop THAT?" ugh. until you are in another person's shoes can you even begin to make assumptions...advise is one thing...but ignorant comments are another!!!
OH and co-sleeping is a whole other "hot" topic among those who think they've got it all figured out LOL i'll save that one for another day :-)
I get frustrated with people who think all kids should be treated exactly alike, or that all kids are exactly like the kids they raised. They think that different temperaments and family situations have no bearing on how a child should be treated.
oh, I beg to differ! While they are not always effective, 99% of the time, being consistent firm but loving parents who dicipline(not punish)your child will do everything it is suposed to do. ANd if the situation presented on Gilmore Girls was a misconception, I would not have a job- there are tons of people who do not dicipline their children b/c they do not want to be the bad guy or it's just easier to give in to their child's demands. The agency I work for, along with the 50 or so others in this area ALL have a waiting lists because we cannot provide enough staff to treat all the children who need services and the majority of the children have diagnoses like ADHD and ODD(oppositional Defiant Disorder), which are pretty much created by the parenting the child recieves, or lack of parenting a child receives.
Laura-I think your 99% is a bit high, but yes, for a lot of kids that will work. But I still maintain that real life is not as all or nothing as it is so often portrayed. And the generic advice given for disciplining is not so helpful if you already have a consistant method of discipline, a basic routine, and lots of love and attention. I also think it's dangerous to assume that a disorder like that is caused by the type of parenting a child receives. There are so many things that can affect a child's behavior. They are slowly finding out more about the so many things can affect our moods and behavior and general health! Things like dyes in foods, hormones given to animals, pesticides,processed foods, lack of nutrition, obesity, and pollution. That's in addition to temperment and parenting. Possibly at the point when an agency is helping to care for these kids, some of those parents have been worn down to that point where they no longer try as hard. So what looks like a lazy parent who didn't disipline is really just a worn down one who once tried. Even when you don't put much effort into it, parenting is hard work! When you assume(and everyone tells you) that this is all you need to do to have a well behaved child and it doesn't work-eventually you get don't try as hard. It can really wear you down. And if you're a single parent, or live in poverty(or anything close to it) had poor parenting yourself, or little education,that just adds to the problems and could make it appear as though the parent never even tried. All those things contribute. I mean, there always have been and always will be parents who truly don't care and don't even try, but it's just too easy to think that is all that is involved.
You bring up a good point Steph! Energy! There's only so much in each person and as you know only too well, it takes a tremendous amount of energy to raise a child. And today, women are not only expected to do most of the housework, child raising, but are expected to work full time also. Toddlerhood is draining with it's continual demands to be firm and consistant. Not all parents are up to it. That's why they have parenting classes. And problem children. There are a lot of children falling by the wayside. I purposedly kept my mouth shut until now with this post but I couldn't help myself lol. I think there are a darn lot of parents who do not discipline their children, some out of knowledge, some from lack of energy, and some because they are not made that way. Usually in a marriage, there is one who does the dirty work of being the bad guy, the one who is the disciplinarian. But sometimes, that goes haywire too. And discipline is blown to the winds...and it's the child who suffers, except it's not the child who suffers, because that child grows into an angry teen, who can do harm to himself and others. And it affects society also.
Just some of my thoughts before I finish my first cup of coffee....
and as the resident food-ophobic LOL i want to second steph's comment on food affecting behavior...there is clinical proof that elimating artificial coloring, artificial flavoring, aspartame (Nutrasweet, an artificial sweetener), and artificial preservatives like BHA, BHT, TBHQ in a child's diet completely treats ADHD and even ear infections, bedwetting, headaches, athma, and ezcema! crazy when you think about it! (this is only when a child's diet has lots of these things in it NOT the occasional snack) The truth is, with today's "convenient" foods like pop tarts and lucky charms (yum LOL), most children's diets are full of additives and so thats why these behavior problems are so prevelant now.
oops, I missed that one about food!!! How did that happen??? hehe. You guys should know better by now than to bring up the effect additives and food processing has on the body. Because it definitely does. You know Jamie--Jonathan not being able to eat peanuts is no loss--they have mold in them. So, it's a good idea for anyone to stay away from them. Peanuts contain 26 different mycotoxin producing fungi and guess what other common food contains the dreaded mycotoxin fungi? It's corn--that contains 25 different fungi--so stay away from corn and corn products also. Your best bet? If you can get your family to eat it--raw organic food as in mostly vegetables. Because I cannot even tolorate the image of raw meat going down my throat lol.....ok I better shut up now or Steph is going to kill me...I did warn you guys lol
Post a Comment