This is in reference to a new book by a French author who regrets having children. The link goes to a post about the book. The woman does make some good points, and I'm sure her thoughts ring very true for many women. But not all women regret having children, I think many have conflicting feelings. There are good and bad days and even whole periods. Even if you do feel it may not have been the best choice for you, as one person comments on the subject, life is about finding joy in your mistakes.
Here's my thoughts on the subject, it may one day be interesting for the kids to read:
I'm going to ignore all the controversial stuff about this post and suggest that we as a culture
make life much much harder for parents, mothers in particular, than it should be. If we didn't
view parenthood as such an individual independent venture-having supporting adults, related or not, to give much needed breaks and support and advice-I think it would be a much easier endeavor.
I think being a parent today is so full of pressure. People have a sense that they have to try
so hard to ensure their children have all the advantages(flashcards, music dance sports lessons,
read a story EVERY SINGLE DAY or your kid will hate reading, etc.)It's a lot of pressure for them and us. We have a society that almost requires both parents to work-and even the grandparents are often still working and don't have the time other generations might have had to spend with their grand kids. Spending time with your kids isn't just about having quality time, you need just regular moments where you aren't actually doing anything together but are still around each other. I really think our rushed pace of life takes away a lot of the joys of raising kids. And maybe it's just me, but I think we are so judgemental towards other parents. I think this really takes away from the joy of parenting also. I read a quote somewhere where they said parenting isn't supposed to be about what the end product is-it's about the joys you get along the way. From the fun of raising your kids. I think society really takes away from the joys of having a family and raising kids.
That said, I acknowledge that it is a job that isn't for everyone, and it is important to realize that. The problem is that there's such a delicate balance-between telling the truth about how hard it can be and not turning people off from becoming a parent. That's why we don't always talk about the bad stuff. It's very hard to convey how high the highs of parenting are to someone who doesn't yet have kids. (That's not meant to sound snobby, it's just that some things have to be experienced.) For me anyway, those highs of parenting more than make up for the low periods.
Monday, October 29, 2007
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1 comment:
I have never regretted having my children, really I know it was one of the reasons why I was born--to be a mother. I love being a mother, I don't even have the words to describe how I feel & felt about mothering my children. And it is a joy that continues with my grandchildren.
That said--I agree with everything else you said Steph--there is too much pressure on parents today, not enough time to parent and explore the joys of being with your children and grandparenting is not the same as when I had grandparents. My grandmother was free to take us off our mother's hands if she really needed to....there was no job to get up and go to in the morning. Sometimes I really really resent that--that expectations for me are different. I am expected to work, need to work and my time is also precious because I have to budget my time constantly between my mother, my husband and children, and my grandchildren, oh, and taking care of my house, and working.
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