Spanking

Ok, this does not encompass everything I have to say on the subject, but I know it would just bore everyone so I'll try to keep it as short as I can. That is hard for me. : )

I first tried spanking when I was pregnant with Justin because Leanna went through a horrible horrible phase-NOTHING worked. And guess what, spanking didn't work either. In fact, I abandoned it as a tactic well, mainly because of how bad it made me feel, but also because it seemed to increase her aggression. She started to hit-me, toys, etc. which was something she hadn't done before. It has lately crept back into the repertoire again but I am not proud to say that it has more to do with my own personal frustration with life than with it being effective. This is absolutely wrong and it is something I am working on. It is hard because it's reflexive, it you were spanked as a child than it's something you automatically think of as a way to discipline. It takes a lot more effort to remain calm, and if I'm being honest, if I spank it has more to do with relieving my own anger at the misdeeds than it has to do with teaching them how to behave. Then I"m modeling hitting as a way to relieve anger which can cause all kinds of problems. And consider that not all that long ago people used to think it was fine for a husband to "discipline" his wife as a way to control her, just as we "discipline" our children now to control them.

From Dr. Sears:
Spanking guidelines usually give the warning to never spank in anger. If this guideline were to be faithfully observed 99 percent of spanking wouldn't occur, because once the parent has calmed down he or she can come up with a more appropriate method of correction.........Spanking also devalues the role of a parent. Being an authority figure means you are trusted and respected, but not feared. Lasting authority cannot be based on fear. Parents or other caregivers who repeatedly use spanking to control children enter into a lose-lose situation. Not only does the child lose respect for the parent, but the parents also lose out because they develop a spanking mindset and have fewer alternatives to spanking. The parent has fewer preplanned, experience-tested strategies to divert potential behavior, so the child misbehaves more, which calls for more spanking. This child is not being taught to develop inner control.

I know how you guys feel about studies, but this presents not one, but : A meta-analysis of spanking studies conducted by Gershoff found 93 percent agreement among studies that spanking can lead to such problems as delinquent and anti-social behavior in childhood along with aggression, criminal and anti-social behavior and spousal or child abuse as an adult.

"I've been researching corporal punishment for 30 years and, in the course of that time, the evidence has accumulated that it doesn't work any better than non-corporal punishment but has harmful side effects. I have come to the conclusion that parents should never, ever spank because, although it does work, it's no better than non-hitting methods that don't have harmful side effects. If there was an FDA for spanking, they'd say use an alternative that doesn't have harmful side effects."

Just because you were spanked as a child and you don't feel it had any harmful or lasting effects doesn't mean that it's a method that works or should be used by everyone. Everybody knows someone who smoked, drank, and generally led a bacchanalian existence with no side-effects and live to be 103! That does not mean that this will work for everyone. And previous generation traveled without carseats or seatbelts and the majority of them managed to survive-that doesn't make it safe or something I would ever consider for my own children. Also, consider that possibly you do have side effects from it that you are not aware of. Plus something that can cause terrible scars in one child may not affect another at all.