Discipline

This passage is also from the Dr. Sears website. I believe more than any other factor that this explains why I have problems with the kids now. It does not however explain why I started having problems with Leanna when she was our only child. That is where I believe there may be some sort of genetic factor influencing things. We weren't as frazzled, we weren't in such a financially difficult situation, I wasn't as isolated and Tom wasn't up half the night & then working all day and the other half of the night. Maybe she was predisposed to certain behaviors? I don't know, I don't pretend to know the answers here. I'm just trying to do the best job I can in less than perfect circumstances. I really wish the kids would pick up on more than just my worst qualities, but that just seems to be the way it's been going.

Discipline is everything you put into children that influences how they turn out.

MODEL DISCIPLINE
A model is an example your child imitates. The mind of a growing child is a sponge, soaking up life's experiences; it's a video camera capturing everything a child hears and sees, storing these images in a mental vault for later retrieval. These stored images, especially those frequently repeated by significant persons in the child's life, become part of his personality—the child's self. So, one of your jobs as parents is to provide good material for your child to absorb.
It's the overall impression that your child receives that counts, not the occasional blunders or outbursts. If a parent is habitually angry, anger becomes part of the child's self. The child learns that this is the way people deal with life. If a parent models happiness and trust, with an occasional angry tirade, the child sees a healthier model: People are happy most of the time, but sometimes difficulties make you angry. You handle the situation and go back to being happy.
Parents, you are the first people your child knows. You are the first caregivers, authority figures, playmates, male and female. You set the standard for your child's attitude toward authority, her ability to play with peers, and her sexual identity. Part of yourself becomes part of your child. Yes, much of a child's behavior is genetic. More than one parent has been known to remark, "He came wired that way," but much is also influenced by the child's behavioral models.

Parenting can be therapeutic. It can show you where your problems are and motivate you to fix them. If your past is loaded with unresolved anger, take steps to heal yourself before you wind up harming your child. Studies have shown that children whose mothers often express anger are more likely to be difficult to discipline. Identify problems in your past that could contribute to present anger. Were you abused or harshly punished as a child? Do you have difficulty controlling your temper? Do you sense a lack of inner peace? Identify present situations that are making you angry, such as dissatisfaction with job, spouse, self, child. Remember, you mirror your emotions. If your child sees a chronically angry face and hears an angry voice, that's the person he is more likely to become.