More Notes on Spirited Kids-more for me than you

As the book says, It is you who helps your child understand his temperament, emphasize his strengths, and provides him with the guidance he needs to express himself appropriately.
I've often wondered, Tom and I are both rather quiet people and I was always a very very patient person. But then I had kids........and I don't know what happened to my patience. It's gone. Here's a guy in the book talking about just that,
"To tell you the truth," he told me, "the 'war' frightened me. Usually I'm a low-key, quiet kind of guy. Competent-little things don't rile me. How my four-year-old could send me to the moon totally baffled me, but he could and he did. "
The book suggests that a lot of the problem is that parents assume the kids are doing things on purpose, when for them it's just their first natural reaction to things. They really aren't trying to be bad or to annoy you. "Spirited kids experience every emotion and sensation deeply and powerfully. Their hearts pound, the adrenaline flows through their bodies. There is actually a physical reaction that occurs more strongly in their bodies than in less intense individuals. They are not loud because they know it irritates people; they are loud because they really feel that much excitement, pain, or whatever the emotion or sensation might be." I think that the idea that the child is trying to be bad or stubborn or irritating on purpose probably influences our reactions as parents a lot more than I had realized.

On giving kids time to adjust to a new situation or place:
"Spirited kids honestly do shift this slowly. They are not trying to be stubborn and make life miserale for you. They need time to adjust."
That one is true for both kids at different times. If Leanna's used to the place and the people there she has no problems. But I've noticed if she's not as familiar with the people and they try to force themselves on her she gets very shy and sometimes is rude to them. With Justin he just needs time to adjust to the new environment, and if he's left alone he doesn't have a problem with the people there-even if he doesn't know them. He is extraordinarily stubborn though, if someone tries to force him to interact he will absolutely refuse. Leanna is extemely stubborn, but I think Justin tops even her!
On energy:
"It isn't that they aren't paying attention or trying to follow the rules, they simply have a need to move......For example, the six-year-old who wiggles around and jumps in and out of his chair while he completes his worksheet is a child with an active temperament. The child who pings around the room and never completes his worksheet may be experiencing ADHD. "
I think Leanna just has a need to move, more than the average child. It's not that she has trouble concentrating. The ants aren't in her pants, they're in her blood!
The book also explains that differences in temperament also fan the flames between parent and child. You can easily misunderstand your child's motivation and be hurt or angry because you see things very differently. (For example-the introspective child who comes home from school and doesn't want to talk isn't rejecting you. They just need time to process the day on their own before discussing it with others.)