Instead of commenting on the last post's comment spot I thought I'd add a new entry just to make sure everyone saw it. The last post was not aimed at anyone. Honest. It was not at all meant as a dig at anyone! I heard comments about Justin from all over the place-even from people who didn't know us. If you had any idea how many people said to me, oh, he'll just cry for a few minutes after you leave and then be fine! (We tried this, do you have any idea how hard it is to cry for two hours straight? Justin does.)
I was reflecting on the situation because I had just realized that Timothy appears to have a more "normal" personality. Which is an enourmous relief for me. And as this blog is meant as both a record for my children and as a catharsis for me-that post served both purposes. I mentioned daycare and staying at home(versus working) not because I am putting down these choices but because they were used as possible reasons for Justin's behavior. I've been a working(outside the home) mom and a stay-at-home mom. Both have benefits and disavantages, like any aspect of parenting. Same goes for daycare. To be honest, I generally don't believe in daycare. I don't really think that very young children are meant to be separated from their parents for long periods of time on a regular basis. Also, it is very hard to entrust your most precious possession(S) to strangers. I've known several people who have worked for daycares and what they told be only confirmed my fears about daycare. That said, there are some people who truly can't afford to be with their children-whether for reasons financial or for their sanity. And that doesn't mean there aren't exceptions with daycares. Jaime seems to have found one. Jonathan is flourishing. I thought about trying to work at a daycare, so I know there must be other individuals who just genuinely love kids and want to work with them.
Different choices work better for different people. I've been judged enough for things I've done so I try very hard not to do that to others.
Justin was such a hard baby, and then when I took him out I was aware that I was hurting people's feelings because of his refusal to allow anyone to hold him. Then to top it off my mothering skills would be called into question. And I knew that sometimes the things people said were suggested out of loving concern. Other times(whether I was wrong or not) they seemed more like accusations. And pretty much every choice I had made as a parent came under fire as a reason for Justin's behavior. My own mother questioned me, and she's always been one of my biggest supporters. That's hard to deal with. Most of the time I felt that my instincts were right-that it was just his personality and something he would grow out of at his own hardwired schedule. But as a mother there are days when you question yourself as well. Criticism was particularly hard to take then. So if I sounded bitter, maybe this helps to explain why. I truly was only posting out of relief-any comments anyone made have been forgiven.