Heartbreaking news

It's strange how the Internet can affect you so deeply.  A while ago I posted about one of my favorite bloggers, whose son had been horribly beaten after a drug deal gone awry and he was in the hospital. On Memorial Day he passed away.  He had started to get better and then suddenly got worse after about a month of improvement.  I, along with many others, were praying it'd be all right in the end. 
I cry every time I go to her blog.  He was so young and beautiful and sounded like a talented, sweet, vibrant boy.  Drugs ruined all that.  After reading about her family since Leanna was little, in some small way I've come to know them as well.  As a mother, I just can't even imagine the pain she's going through right now.  I feel so sorry for his siblings-the two that grew up with him, and the one who is Jacob's age and barely got to know him, and one unborn yet, who will never know him.  It hurts me to just think about it. 
Many people have written that thanks to Henry's story, they are or will be talking to their kids about drugs, and are planning to handle the topic differently than they would have otherwise.  In Henry's memory, his parents are starting an endowed fund that will provide scholarships for families who cannot afford to pay for needed drug and alcohol treatment programs for their children.  I think his mother's coming forward with this story will help others going through the agony of loving an addict, and it does much to remove some of the stigma associated with being the parent of an addict.  And hopefully it will help people realize that all addicts are not bad people, nor do they all come from impoverished, poorly parented backgrounds. It could so easily be anyone's child. 
If you won't read the story on Katie's blog, take this message from her story: early drug experimentation should be taken seriously, because you don't know who will be unable to stop-until it's too late.  Many people said in early comments that they had done drugs and had no problem stopping, so they assume it's no big deal.  I encourage you to read the whole story on her blog, the first post is here or you could just read them backwards on her blog. 
As a result of Henry and his mother's story, I've already started the conversation about drugs with Leanna, and intend to continue them, as age appropriate, with her and her brothers.

Edit: I wanted to add a few more thoughts.   Lots of people have been adding beautiful words of sympathy and comfort for Henry's family, and writing on the subject.  It'd be easy to write it off as a result of his mother's popularity in the blogosphere, but I think there's more to it.  Henry's story has really touched a nerve with people. So many mothers could see their own sweet children in him.  So many have realized that good parenting cannot protect our children, no matter how hard we try, we just aren't in control.  You can do all the right things and still have a child end up in the wrong place at the wrong time.  It's so unbelievably scary.  You get through the pregnancy and the are they still breathing during the night stage, the toddling into trouble constantly phase........and you think you're safe.  This story just really shocked people because when you have a child, you're never out of the woods.  I have an Anne Geddes picture with the words, "The decision to have a child is to forever have your heart go about walking outside your body."   This tragedy just brings that home in a way I hadn't considered before.
I think one of the most difficult aspects of this story is that if you've been in a bad place, had bad events happen, you feel as though you're safe now.  Ok, the bad has happened, I should be alright now.  Having a child with a drug problem is hard enough.  Then to have them horribly beaten, left for dead....then in a hospital, waiting to see if they'll survive......isn't that enough?   Then to watch them suffer and finally die.  It just seems so unendurably cruel. 
But there is small comfort in the fact that this story has likely changed life's course for someone's child.  Positive changes are occuring.  Until this, we just didn't talk about drugs and our children, (not publicly, anyway).  I admire Katie for having the courage to tell this story.  To write so beautifully and honestly about such a raw subject.  A helpful dialogue has begun as a result of this tragedy.  People are not just talking about it online-so many have mentioned talking to their children as a direct result of Henry's story.  There is outrage over the police's reaction-or the lack of one-to the case.  Apparently it's rather common for police to not bother with cases involving addicts.  They are considered throwaways.  But they are people-with families who love them, someone's child they doted on, someone's older or younger brother, someone's cousin, someone's friend.  Henry's legacy may be to change people's perception of what an addict is, and what they are worth.  I think of him and his family everyday now.

Hug your babies, no matter their age.  Life is just too short.

Internet ties

Just sharing some thought provoking posts.  One of my favorite blogs, by writer Katie Allison Granju, has multiple posts lately that really inspire thought.  Including links to posts by friends (I really like that one)  and others on the subject.  Read her post on the secret she's no longer willing to keep.  I don't have the time or privacy to fully explore my thoughts on the subjects, but to summarize:

Katie's oldest child had a drug overdose and was brutally beaten.  For several days they didn't know if he would even make it.  Now they're looking at a long period of therapy and wondering what happens to him once he is fully functioning again.  Will he take this as a sign to stop, or will they be back to square one?   Her posts make me cry.  Her love for her son shines through so clearly and it makes me feel her pain through that universal tie all mothers have.  Circumstances don't matter, you just know there is a mother heartbroken over her baby boy and you grieve with her.  It's scary because it's clear this mother adores her children and tried her best and still......sometimes that's not enough. 
 Who knows where I may one day find myself in this parenting journey.  Where but for the grace of God, go I.   I feel bad that she has to endure people's judgement at this time when she has so much to worry about.  (she's also heavily pregnant with her fifth child). I know I couldn't take the judgement she receives on a regular basis, let alone at a time like this. 
This incident has brought forth a slew of interesting topics: about secrecy and addiction (or any illness) about how to avoid drug problems, is experimentation ok?, how can this (can it?) be avoided, does calling addiction an illness actually make things worse, where are the boundaries between her life and her child's-can she talk about his life without damaging his privacy?, parental expectations about child rearing, about the recognition that some people get addicted quickly and easily while others are not wired that way, and also how sharing the difficulties of raising older children can be a relief for the person sharing and the person reading it. 
Again, I don't have the time now to write my thoughts on all of this, but I wanted to share it because there are a lot of though-provoking topics, beautiful writing, and because I think I think it's good to put these stories out there to help others. Though I don't know Katie or her family; this has affected me as well.