dealing with anger

Ever feel like the universe is sending you a message? I ran across this today, it's part 2 of a 4 post interview with the Duggar parents(they have 18 kids and a tv show). I find them kind of fascinating, not because they chose to have all the kids, but because they seem to do it so well. I've never seen an entire episode of their show, only parts, but the Mom always seems so calm and at peace with everything going on. I should take lessons from her:

lilsugar: You have 18 kids, how do you stay so calm? On your show you seem to have a sense of peace within yourself and in your household?

Jim Bob Duggar: I think Michelle is a sweet person naturally, but she has chosen to stay calm when things are going wrong. She has a way of lovingly correcting, but not being angry. She chooses to keep a sweet voice even though she doesn't feel like it.

Michelle Duggar: I think it's something that is learned like patience, you don't want to pray for that. It's a hard place to be, but it's God's grace. It's not me. I know from my own experience, when I had five under five, those were the most challenging days of my life. I was trying to have extra arms and eyes and to keep up with everything. I remember that there were many moments when I would just cry — cry to the Lord, cry, "What am I thinking? I can't do this, you know?" And, then God would give me a thought or a scripture would come to mind. I had little guys fighting and fussing over toys and it was constant and I'd be trying to figure out who did what and all I did was referee and I thought this is not the way it's supposed to be. Surely, this is going to drive me nuts and I just remember Matthew 18 came to mind. So I got down on the floor on their level and explained it to them. They learned to work it out and communicate. There's so many lessons of life that are learned at a three-year-old level. We would have never imagined, but after trial and error —It is amazing that there is peace in our home. We've taught our children to respect each other and their belongings.

lilsugar: Is the same true for you, Jim Bob?

Michelle Duggar: Jim Bob jokingly said in the book that he never had an anger problem until he had children. It's so true because you realize what can really push your buttons when these guys are not catching on to what you are trying to tell them to do and then they turn around and do just the opposite. But, when we react in anger, we are undermining everything we are trying to teach them by example.

Jim Bob Duggar: That's probably the number one way to make them get out of the home as quickly as they can — to occasionally explode with anger. And, then you are like a time bomb waiting to go off and they don't know when you are going to go off next and no one likes to be around that if they are a stable person.

Michelle Duggar: And, one day we were around the table going through our homeschooling stuff and part of our study was about dealing with anger. There were four points and the children could probably recite all of them, but the one that stuck out in my mind was that a soft answer turns away wrath. My anger is not going to bring about the right behavior that I want to see in my children. There have been many times when they've done something wrong. I say, "You sit right there." and then I walk back to the kitchen and get what I need to do done and then go back in just a minute. It gives me the moment to regroup, pray, whatever I need to do and then when I go back. I say, "I was not having the right response, will you forgive me?" And, I lower my voice. When I first whispered instead of raising my voice, my children were shocked.

Jim Bob: In the book I talk about my story about accountability (a family member touches the upset person's arm to remind them to remain calm) and even if the kids do something way out there and color on the cabinets, I still struggle with that, but it's helped me so much.

Michelle Duggar: And, we've seen that happens with our kids. One child will put the hand on their sibling's arm and say, "I think you are kind of getting angry." And, for the other one, it's like ice cold water being poured over a hot head. We're all human and we're going to struggle, but we love each other.