"We have had to walk such a firm line with him to keep him from being rebellious. Well, we were up in his room. He was throwing a fit. I was sitting with him explaining that he's not to act that way. It hit me with a blow - I may never be able to control him. I may never be able to control him. That's exactly what went through my brain. I may never be able to make him conform to the image I have of a good child. He might always make me look bad. The next question that ran through my brain was, "Can I love him the way he is?" Can I accept him even if he's different than what I want? Maybe he'll walk a path that doesn't make sense to me.Maybe he'll show us a different perspective on life. If I try to make him conform to the identity I want him to have, our family may miss out on his unique gifts. So I set him free ... in my heart.
Does that mean I don't continue to train him on acceptable behavior? NO! It doesn't mean that I stop training him in good character. In fact, I didn't change a thing outwardly. I still discipline him. I still get frustrated and yell (sshhh, don't tell anyone). The change in me was so subtle. I had let go of control spiritually. Let me tell you, this has somehow changed Andrew in palpable ways. He does not struggle with anger like he did before I set him free. He is so much more open to listening. I don't treat him like I dissaprove of HIM, just the act or behavior. His little spirit can sense it. It's amazing to observe."
This is something I know, but reminders are always good. I have four kids that act like the one she's describing. I feel a lot of pressure to have "good" kids and often I do feel like people are judging me and that influences the way you parent. Sometimes a reminder that it ain't all about you is good. Your desire to make the child blend in more can crush them (which actually makes them even more difficult to handle). I know people that I believe this happened to. Particularly now, this is a good reminder for me!
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