My Uncle and a host of other thoughts.........

I've been quiet lately because I've had a lot to process.......still working on that. My Uncle, the one who had prostate cancer and recently beat it, decided to take his life. This was just such a shock. Not only because he had just beat cancer, but because he was an extremely religious man, and he had a very close beautiful relationship with his wife. They had three children and a good relationship with them as well.
Intellectually I can understand that depression caused this-but still I just can't wrap my head around it. Yes, I know that religious people are faliable too-they do bad things, they make mistakes. They are human too. But his faith was so strong I just wouldn't have expected it. And he and his wife were so close. He and Aunt Cindy had the kind of relationship everyone dreams of......nothing on earth is perfect, but theirs was as close as it gets. They did everything together, they made their choices together, they were true partners, "a wall of solidarity" as the minister called them. I remember as a teenager one of their daughters told me that she'd never heard her parents fight. I didn't believe her at first, but after extensive questioning, it turned out to be the truth. It's important to note that the reason they rarely faught (because apparently there were a few fights, it was just an extremely rare occasion) was NOT because they held it all in. That would be unhealthy. They were just so in sync and so adept at coming to an agreement that fighting wasn't necesary. So that is part of why it is so hard to understand his decision to leave her, and so abruptly on purpose.
My Uncle was a pretty quiet man, at least around us. He was generally just the bored husband, along on a family trip with little to do. He would just sit and listen or watch tv while my Aunt interacted with her family. He was always good spirited about it, I remember him laughing a lot. He willingly drove my Aunt around and did favors for her parents or relatives. I was only really getting to know him in recent years. Although he didn't talk much to me when I was growing up he was a good uncle to my kids. He talked and joked with them, reading them stories and throwing a ball around with Justin. The kids really liked him, particularly Justin. And because my husband got along with him they would talk on family occasions as well. It made him more of a person to me, and not just my uncle. He was a good religious influence as well, gently questioning Tom about religion. If anyone else would have done it I think my husband would have instinctively withdrawn and not listened to a word of it. His stubornness would have kicked in. But my Uncle didn't need to be pushy about it as his life was the best witness to true Christian beliefs. It's a shame that influence is no longer there.
Since before Justin was born we'd been trying to arrange a trip to visit Aunt Cindy's house. I know Tom would have enjoyed walking around with my Uncle, seeing the house he'd built and the land they owned, his tree-stands for enjoying nature, whatever tools he had and all that manly stuff. We never did manage to make it there until last week, for the funeral.
He had the kind of eulegy everyone would want-devoted husband, father, teacher, religious and humble man. The pastor shared stories of his sense of humor and his children wrote him a letter declaring their love and appreciation.
There really was a lot of food for thought in our trip to pay our respects. It inspired thoughts of how I want to be remembered, on the differences between our reality and others' perceptions, on the qualities of a good marriage, on the effects of a good marriage on children, on the importance of expressing love for those in your life, on life and death itself, on the importance of family connections, on specific aspects of my Aunt and Uncle's life I admire, and on changes I'd like to make in my own life.......and so much more. It's funny how life seems to throw certain messages that you need to hear in your face, and yet you ignore them. Figuring out how to overcome this and allow good things to happen appears to be my own personal challenge.