little kids are draining, sometimes.

Justin's been asking to hold the baby in his arms lately. It's really sweet to see him get excited about his brother. Even though he always has to wait for me while I take care of Timothy first, he's still clearly attached to him. I did worry that he might really resent Timothy because of that. I'm sure he does resent it to some extent, but I guess it's not enough to make him not like the baby.
While I do want more kids, I want a break for a while. I've tried explaining to Tom that it wouldn't be fair to Timothy or Justin to have another baby soon. They both need me so much yet, and then there's the question of my sanity. At times it's hanging by a thread, a worn piece of thread, and I think another baby would completely break it. It'd be different if I had more help, or even just more breaks.
Don't get me wrong-I don't regret the kids or their spacing. I wouldn't do it any differently. But I'd be lying if I said it wasn't hard. I really do feel that it will get easier as they get a bit older. It takes a lot of hard work in the early years, that hopefully will pay off later. So I don't expect to do major projects now, to do anything that takes a long time or long period of concentration. I just wish I could get through to Tom that even just a little time away-a quick walk-can be enough to recharge my energy. No matter how I say it he just doesn't seem to understand that. I think that time to yourself is really important, no matter if you work or stay at home. It should be interesting to see what happens once Leanna is at school. I don't know if having one less kid during the day will make it easier or harder-She does help keep Justin occupied and I know he will miss her.